Paulette Delcourt: Sister Wives vs. Duggar, a Lifestyle Smackdown

I’m sorry if I sound judgmental when I say any man who would want four wives is crazy. Then I saw “Sister Wives” and changed my mind. Any woman who would want to be married to Kody Brown is crazy.

Kody Brown is the dad/husband/star of the hit show “Sister Wives” and, as the Polygamist-In-Chief, has it made. When he gets bored he adds to his collection like a sheik adds harem girls, with each woman getting younger, blonder or more fertile.

He rotates his wives like tires so none of them get too worn out. When he’s not smugly validating his womanizing, he’s behind the wheel of a car that looks like a Jordan almond and perfectly complements his fake bake. Staying hot for four women is hard work. Maybe that’s why, despite his best effort, he looks more “ick” than “slick.”

I’m not sure what his wives find so attractive; his blond hair hangs in his face like the lead singer of a failed garage band, and when his wives express their hurt or disappointment (does Robyn cry every episode?) he hangs his head and frowns like a kicked cocker spaniel who has only four homes to choose from instead of five.

Brown recently said he wouldn’t rule out wife No. 5, and he always gets letters from women looking to fill that spot. If the Browns were a business, with four people in the same job—right now three would be let go—who would want to be the last “hire”?

If any of the Brown women do leave, I think Michelle Duggar would be happy to have the extra help (with the kids, not husband, Jim).

The Duggars have 19 children and only one mom. If the average American family has two children, there is an opening for eight more moms in the Duggar household (or one very intelligent octopus).

To their credit, the Duggars are very industrious people. They dispatched their minor minions to dig, saw, level and plumb their way into a new home without borrowing a single dime from Fannie, Freddie or a monocle guy from Monopoly.

Mom, Michelle, runs the home with the precision of a Swiss clock. The family’s clothes are always clean, meals are always well-planned and prepared, and the cupboards are always abundantly redundant. Costco buys groceries from the Duggars.

The remarkable thing is unlike the Brown women, Michelle never sheds a tear about her marriage. She seems happy with her 1980’s perma-hair, and is comfortable with her post-modern Amish attire. Maybe it’s because she knows her husband is too busy to look for outside “help.”

It’s pretty clear that the Duggar children are raising each other as is typical for large families. It’s also clear that the Brown women are raising Kody, which is just plain weird.